I mentioned previously that I'd developed a few new symptoms of my lupus. The last week I've developed vertigo when I get up out of bed. Not dizziness, just vertigo with a just-rode-a-rollercoaster-feeling in the pit of my stomach for a minute or so. A person with anxiety disorder should NOT look up things on WebMd. Just . . . no. I've discovered that I am afraid to go to sleep now. Turns out, for all the depression and suicidal feelings, I do not want to die. Yes, there are horrible moments when the depression takes me and I feel like the day is so long, that time is such a burden, but I've realized that I do - in small quantities - have some hope that things will get better. Anyway, I was afraid to lie down and sleep. I usually finish up my prayers each evening with a daily devotion on InTouch Ministries online but they had not yet posted the next one, which was odd. I waited, it still wasn't posted. Eventually I went online in search of another place for a daily devotion and what did I run across? The sweetest picture of a sleeping puppy with the following scripture:
Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace for you alone O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Isn't that lovely? God shows us He is working in our lives in some extraordinary ways and sometimes in simple, quiet ways. So I'm off to bed, thanking God for putting up with me and all of my anxiety and not walking away no matter how bad I get. Thanks God, I sure do need someone on my side and I'm so glad it is you.
So keep an eye out for the signs. God sends them, no mistake about that. Take a look out of the train window as we chug along and you might see any number of signs God is working in your life, too.
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