Track Change. Where The Heck Are We Going?

Before the invention of GPS and cars smart enough to drive themselves we had to use maps to get where we wanted to go. You'd buy this crisp, new, neatly folded map, unfold it and plot your course. You would carefully watch for signs, frequently checking that trusty map. Most of the time you ended up right where you wanted to be. Other times, not so much. Maybe you misread the map, maybe you missed a sign along the way. And then, suddenly, you found yourself somewhere else entirely. Somewhere you didn't want to be. Now, it isn't necessarily a bad place, just not the intended destination. And then, of course, fed up with the map - because it is, of course, entirely the maps' fault - you try to fold it up and put it back the way it was. Does that ever actually work out? Or does it end up as a crumbled ball on the floor under your feet while you squint through the windshield looking for something, anything, to guide you back to where you belong.

But maybe, just maybe, you actually belong where you ended up. Kind of like when my train switched tracks oh so many years ago, and then again more recently when it morphed into the crazy train and rumbled off onto some seriously rickety tracks through incredibly rough terrain. I've just been hanging on to the backs of seats as I make my way to the engine and find out what the heck is going on. I mean, really - what the heck is going on? Has the engineer completely lost it? Is he even there anymore or is this train just rushing along without him?

And then I consider that the engineer is God and I know that He is, indeed, up there firing the engines and making sure I'm on the right track - even if it isn't the track I wanted or expected. Today was one of those days where I looked out the window and thought "When did we switch tracks again? How did I get HERE?" Because today, "here" was not a happy place. It was a place even Xanax couldn't work a little magic on. And as it is the end of the month chocolate and tea therapy were out of the question. In fact, as I'll have to manage the rest of the month without either, we may need to increase my Xanax.

Recently I found an etsy shop where you can purchase little cards - about the size of business cards - with scripture on them. I purchased the "Worship and Encouragement" set. I put them everywhere, use them as bookmarks, sent some to a friend. Tomorrow when they shove me in that tiny little tube for my MRI I will probably be clutching one since taking my rosary beads isn't an option. Just having Gods' words around, finding the cards in various places during the day, has been like having God send me little hugs. Yeah yeah, that sounds like I should be doodling unicorns in the margin of my notebook that already has "Mrs. Keanu Reeves" written all over it, lol. But as sappy as it sounds, it is actually true. And I need that, I need moments of unexpected encouragement. There is no hope or help in your run of the mill "Oh don't worry everything is going to be fine" sentiments that people throw at you like rice at a wedding, and just as useless. But a little moment of hope from God in the form of little cards, or your favorite flower, or a tiny little bird on your window sill, or the sun shining through the clouds or a song that makes you sing. . . now that is something special, even if it is completely ordinary.  

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm human and that means I'm still stubbornly grasping the edges of the next seat in the aisle, slowly pulling myself through each car until I get to the engine so I can direct the train where I want it to go. Because, of course, I want it my way. Thankfully, there are a lot of cars between me and the engine and maybe by the time I get there I'll have learned to put a little more faith in the engineer and will make peace with the idea that wherever He takes me is where I'm supposed to be.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." 

You can find the cards here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SweetHomeTreasures