Not exactly a Norman Rockwell painting

Today, instead of blessings, I've been counting Xanax. I guess it is reassuring to know that I have enough . . . if I need enough. My daughter has pneumonia, my son isn't feeling well and I instead of turkey and all the trimmings I bought prescriptions for the kids and cold meds. I did make sure we had our usual chocolate pecan pie, though. It is my son's favorite part of Thanksgiving anyway. This is one of those days where time seems to meander, to stroll along at a Sunday drive pace and by mid afternoon it has become unbearable. I used to dream of big family gatherings. In the deepest parts of my heart all I ever hoped for was a husband that loved me, a big extended family to gather together on holidays. I guess I wanted a Norman Rockwell picture. It's funny, that is what my ex-husband got. He was an unkind husband at best, has been an absent and selfish father, but today he is gathered with his family having a big, wonderful, noisy family feast. I'm struggling so much not to be angry today with him, to ask God why it worked out this way? Why he gets a big, lovely house and we have an apartment that has so many issues? Why he has two personal vehicles and a work vehicle and we walk everywhere? Why he, who has spent his life focused only on himself, always has plenty while we usually do without?
I suppose I'm just tired today. My lupus is flaring, my anxiety is off the charts, my depression is digging in. I know that we have so many more blessings than many people. I know that, I truly do. But today I feel like I'm failing my son in so many ways and it hurts. Today everything hurts.
However, if anybody actually reads this, I hope that you are having a wonderful Thanksgiving. I pray that your day is filled with family and friends, lots of delicious food and that you are making wonderful memories.
As for me, I will hold on to this and hope to get through the day. If anyone out there is lonely, and sad, maybe this will help them as well:

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.